I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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