i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
