Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
