I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
