I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
