Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I could fuck to npr.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
