the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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