perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
