Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
