Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am midnight drunk by noon
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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