i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Be still, my beating vagina.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
