Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
where am i from again
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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