just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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