i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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