I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
