Cold hands, warm shart.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
being pregnant is like rehab
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
