I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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