I'm laying in your front yard are you home
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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