dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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