DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Found your dick twin last night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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