i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
