I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
