I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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