two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
