I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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