Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
