He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
