Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
