I wish I could punch you in the face.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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