I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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