yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
