I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
