I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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