Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
