broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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