i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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