I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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