I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
