I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
