After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
