my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
