For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
