I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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