Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
