We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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