Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
