FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
