ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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