It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
