even my farts smell like vagina
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
