The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
