your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I need to calm my uterus...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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