I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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