I wish I could teleport
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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