he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
