Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sober January is a disaster.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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