Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
