So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
