Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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