did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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