false alarm. still invincible.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
