if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
