You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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