I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
