I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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