Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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