So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
