Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
