Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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