so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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